jordan.

I reckon I’m a fairly normal person, There’s one thing you should know before you you read this blog post… I have ADHD. I will be talking about what it’s like to HAVE ADHD.

ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, the name sums it up pretty well.

Imagine you are hungry but you have a thought: why do we get hungry? you sit down on the sofa and literally sit there for hours thinking about that one question without progressing beyond, “Why?”. Eventually you get so hungry that you can’t take it, you stand up and go to the kitchen, you don’t feel like making anything you grab 3 pieces of bread and walk back to your room. Sitting on each step and pausing for 1 minute on each step by this time it’s late and you need to do some homework.

You get to your room and open your computer, you left a YouTube video on last time you opened it and it immediately sucks you in and you loose all other senses and after what seems like a few seconds your parent comes in, yelling at you for not doing homework making you feel like shit. Then you say to yourself “I will make SURE to finish this homework in the next 10 minutes. You look down on your homework remembering your parent yelling at you to make you stay on task. It does it’s job too well, you start crying and you feel like your parent doesn’t love you because of you constantly not doing anything and making life difficult for them. Your parent walks in and you quickly cover up your tears apologizing repeatedly.

They just shake their head and say that you need to be more devoted to your schoolwork and that you can easily get sent to another school if you don’t care. It would be cheaper. Crying quietly but heavily you get working on the homework and 4 hours later you have finally finished 30 mins of work and it’s time for bed. You think you have done a lot of work but you have achieved very little but make you feel so sad you want to kill yourself. You are a failure you cant do anything right and you are costing your parents so much money you should just run away and save your parents the embarrassment of having the stupidest child in the world. The only way you can function normally it to take a cocktail of medications and you loose your appetite and ability to sleep.

You feel like shit all the time unless you are heavily medicated. Sorry if this was a little dark for this blog but I just needed to get that out there.

My internet has been so slow lately and I have recently pretty much lost the ability to play online video games because of the lag. This has meant that I’m doing a lot more drawing in like… a… Creativity Explosion. This explosion has resulted in me making a lot of unfinished drawings like Just heads or eyes. I think the reason for me not finishing my works are because my creativity is like an uncontrolled explosion; going everywhere and setting a lot of things in motion but soon after stopping bothering to continue them (if that makes sense).

This makes me really sad. It normally takes me enormous amounts of time to complete even a simple piece of work (like 5-8 hours for that drawing of the boy with no hands). After this explosion I am left feeling uninspired and bored with nothing to do for the next half an hour waiting for the next 10 min burst of creativity.

I’m working on trying to elongate the length of the short sharp burst of creativity by making characters and such. My friends are mostly better than me at drawing and that can sometimes be disheartening when I have spent hours on one drawing and someone else easily bests me in several minutes. I understand that drawing is absolutely a ‘practice-makes-perfect’ skill. But imagine playing a game and you are unable to even play because of their ability to kill you without you even doing anything.

I get overly upset when I feel like all my time drawing has been wasted because they just make it look like shit compared to their own drawings.

That was just me using this blog to dump my mental sewerage onto… Enjoy! 🙂